


Crazy Pervert

by lilredsoupbowl



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 12:14:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilredsoupbowl/pseuds/lilredsoupbowl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neal and Emma's first drinks, first joint con, and first time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crazy Pervert

He liked her laugh. He realized that almost instantly.

At first, she'd only offer up a guarded smile at his jokes. Maybe shoot back some sarcastic comment; an eye roll when he bordered 'corny' in the joke department. It was his impression of the bar's owner that finally did the trick.

Guy had been eyeing them the second they walked in; seemed to be able to zero-in on the homeless riffraff and thieves. Neal might have cited it as a talent, had he not been dressed in the same clothes for the past few days. His interest in Emma was different. Old man definitely seemed grateful for the cutouts in her dress; right along a toned stomach…

Neal had proudly announced to the entire bar that he was opening up a tab upon entering; grabbing the blonde's hand as he lead her through the crowd and straight to the bar. That probably didn't help with maintaining a low profile.

A beer in, and worrying that Emma Swan was thoroughly unimpressed, he pulled out the big guns. The moment the owner's back was turned to answer some question about a shipment out back, Neal contorted his face; thin lips stretched tight, eyes' wide and almost bulging out of his face.

And there it was: a deep laugh. It wasn't melodic. No, her snorting into a beer couldn't really be described that way. But it was the first glimpse of raw emotion he got to see from Emma Swan. And it wouldn't be the last!

He grabbed Emma's beer out of her hands and raised it over her head. When she shoot up to retrieve it, he moved it farther away. Always right out of her reach.

"Now, now, now little miss – I think I need to see some I.D."

Sighing in defeat, Emma once again sat in her chair. "You're completely nuts, aren't you?"

"Hey, an hour ago I was a pervert. Can we establish one character defect before you start evaluating my entire psyche!"

"I stand by that: you're a crazy pervert."

"And you're having fun," Neal taunted, lowering her beer back to the bar.

She gave a noncommittal shrug, but he caught the smirk forming around her mouth.

"So – you live in a stolen car?"

"There are worse places. At least the car locks. Dry when it rains."

"I hear ya," Emma replied, moving to drink more of her beer instead of elaborating.

"How long you been lifting cars?"

"Going on two years; on and off. Took awhile to work out the kinks, though."

"You certainly seem to have it down now – except for checking the backseat. The thing about stealing is the bitch is in the details. Everything matters."

"Yes, sensei."

"I'm being serious. You've got talent –"

"I'm impressive. That's what you said earlier. Impressive. A protégée of thievery!"

"Okay: you are a highly talented young woman; impressive in many ways! Happy?"

"Getting there, sensei."

"I was just trying to give you a little advice; a few tips –"

He jumped when he felt Emma's hand descend onto his upper thigh. She didn't move; or flex her hand around – but the pressure was enough to send Neal into a frenzy. Her smirk proof that she was fully aware of the effect.

"I bet you could give me all kinds of tips."

She was gorgeous. An amazing thief. Funny – in a sarcastic way. And naughty. Very naughty. Taking a sip from his beer, the word 'shit' seeped into Neal's mind.

By the time she excused herself for the restroom, Neal was already trying to muster up the courage to voice his proposal. The wink she gave upon standing, heading into the crowd and to the back of the bar, gave him every indication that she could be talked into teaming up; as long as he kept it causal and didn't come off like a psycho wanting her to live in a stolen car with him. It would be just until she found a better housing option of course! And the kid would be much safer with him than whatever other options she could come up with – he was still a gentleman after all; a smelly, homeless man but still with the best of intentions.

The minutes passed, and Emma did not return. Neal assumed this was just because girls tended to take longer; maybe she was messing with her hair, applying makeup – trying to be even more of a knockout.

But then the crowd started to disperse. The bartender announced 'last call' and Emma had yet to emerge from within the restrooms. With the bodies clearing out, Neal now had the perfect angle to watch and wait. When a worker became frustrated that he wasn't moving to the door like everyone else, Neal tried to explain,

"I'm waiting for my date. She's in the –"

"We've already checked everywhere – you're the last one and we're ready to close.."

Emma Swan had left him. Snuck out on him. He paid the tab– which he would have anyway! He'd planned on it! In any other situation, he'd have snuck out the back. But because of the impromptu 'date' he'd wanted everything to be legit; legal for a bit.

Thankfully, he found the bug still parked outside. She hadn't completely screwed him over. Moving to unlock the car, he found a folded drink napkin under a wiper blade. A hastily written 'sorry'; scribed in red lipstick. Not buying the apology for a second, he crippled the napkin up and flung it into the curb.

He ended up parking the car on the docks that night, spread out on the backseat like the night before. He tried to deny that anything had changed from the night before; attempted to not wonder where she'd be sleeping tonight.

Assuming their paths wouldn't cross again, Neal found himself in a pattern of stealing from gas stations and convenience stores. It was surviving. He actually had food in his belly every day – sure, shit that had shelf lives longer than twenty years and would never be found on the food pyramid. But Neal wasn't one to complain. Than one morning, he stumbled into the wrong store. He'd had his eye on the jelly donuts; cases of the stuff spanning the back wall but found a certain blonde thief already working the guy inside.

When he entered, the bell sounded; Emma Swan turned around from the counter. For a moment, he saw the realization on her face but she was quick to catch herself.

Smart girl.

Avoiding eye contact with the blonde and worker, Neal walked into the rows of aisles – but couldn't bring himself to move straight for the back; not yet anyway. Having himself appear fascinated by the display of chips, he listened in to his fellow thief's scheme.

"Look – during the last guy's shift, I bought these donuts; and found hairs all over them! I want a full refund and a replacement of the dozen donuts!"

"Miss, if you'd please calm down –"

"Calm down? Have you seen these? It's disgusting! Are there cats on the premise or something? I'm pretty sure this is breaking several health codes.."

"I can assure you we don't have animals on the premise, sweetie."

"Sweetie? SWEETIE! Are you sexual harassing me now too? I have half the mind to ask to speak to your boss!"

"I didn't mean anything by it – please! Miss, I'm sure this can all be resolved –"

"I hope it can, too. The guy I dealt with before wasn't so –"

"You dealt with a man, miss?"

"Yes! And he understood –"

"The shift before me is a female. In fact, all the employees are; except me."

Emma paused, stammering for a response. Finally, Neal heard her defiantly declare, "she was a very butch woman then."

Pocketing the two of the smallest objects that resembled a 'meal'; some type of Hostess cakes, Neal turned out from the aisle. Walking up to Emma Swan, he wrapped an arm around her.

"Something wrong, baby?"

For a moment, he thought she was going to shrug off his arm; maybe even slug him. But she was quick; used to working with what she got.

Instead, she looked up at him with dazzling eyes and a girlish pout, "I don't know what's wrong, baby. There's absolutely no way either of us would eat those – but he won't give us a refund or a replacement; and then sexually harassed me!"

The one thing Neal had learned from his experiences in foster care was how to look intimidating. Where, for the first weeks, every thug with inferiority complexes flocked to beat the living shit out of the awkward new kid. It was only after one teenager pulled a knife on him that Neal fully understood the importance of looking like you could rip a guy's throat out; the intensity needed in the eyes to convey that he was a not to be messed with.

And he was harnessing this lesson now, glaring right into the eyes of the convenience store worker.

"You messing with my wife?"

"No…no sir! I – I was just about ready to head for the back and replace the dozen for you guys.."

When he rushed towards the back of the store, Neal relaxed his hold around the blonde; arm sliding lower.

"I don't care if we're married or not; you are not about to grab my ass, buddy."

Neal quickly moved his arm back to her shoulder.

"Honestly wasn't my intention."

"Oh – I'm sure it wasn't," Emma replied while rolling her eyes.

Checking the location of the worker, Neal reached into a cooling compartment for a jug of milk; stuffing it into the deep pockets of his pants.

"You like milk with your donuts? Trying to get to the important details in our minute long marriage –"

For a moment, Emma just looked at him; regarding him. Probably trying to decipher how much of a crazy-pervert she was dealing with. Sighing, she inclined her head back to the stocked milk display.

"Can I get a chocolate milk?"

Neal grinned. Checking the location of the worker in the back, he quickly grabbed a chocolate milk and buried it deep within his pants' pocket as well.

When the worker returned he passed the box of donuts over to Emma. "I really am sorry about any misunderstanding – and I certainly didn't mean to offend you, miss."

"Mrs.," Emma reminded him. "But it's alright: no harm done… you still owe me six dollars for the first batch –"

Neal knew she was pushing it now but remained rooted at her side; watching the guy scurry to the cash register and produce a couple bills for her.

"Here you are miss – Mrs. Hope you both have a nice day.."

Opening the door for her, Neal watch her face change; as soon as they were out of sight of the store, she was beaming at him.

"That was brilliant, wasn't it? Thanks for the backup but I had it –"

"The bitch is in the details. Never commit to the details – unless you're a hundred and ten percent sure. That's lesson number one, kid. Remember?"

"Hey, don't be a condescending prick about it! I was doing just fine in there!"

"He was just about to call your bluff when I walked up and you know it. How did you even get the first batch?"

"Little dumpster diving. They really were the most vile donuts I'd ever seen. Must have been baking in the sun and trash for a day or two –"

They'd reached the bug by then, Neal scrambling to open the passenger door for her.

"Your chariot, milady!"

But she didn't immediately jump in; she raised her eye brows in challenge.

"And why would I get into a car with a stranger?"

"I'm not a stranger – I'm Neal Cassidy. We've met before - think of me as a colleague; whom you owe a donut or two after some professional help."

"And where are we headed for breakfast?"

"I was thinking this park – just a couple blocks away. We'll have some donuts, you'll enjoy a chocolate milk, and then I'll drop you off wherever you want. Deal?"

Moving around him, Emma moved into the car. Looking up at him with big, hazel eyes and smiling; the box of donuts in her lap.

"Deal," she agreed. Neal carefully closed the door, before almost skipping to the driver side. For the first time in a long time, he was excited.

The park was pretty much abandoned. Some kid found a syringe in the sandbox a couple days ago; all mothers and nannies were avoiding the area like the plague. Perfect place for a late breakfast, though. Emma seemed to be in heaven; savoring each taste of her chocolate milk. Neal watched out of the corner of his eye from the driver seat. More raw emotion from Emma Swan. She seemed, for a moment at least, to not have a care in the world. Just her and the chocolate milk watching the trees move in the breeze. Neal was awestruck, eyes darting back and forth as he tried to appear just as engrossed with his jelly donut.

When Emma turned her head around to face him, Neal was quick to rotate himself around again; casually staring out the window as he ate his donut.

"You got a little something –" Emma gestured to the side of his mouth. He raised a hand to brush whatever it was off – only to hear Emma's honest laughter fill the car.

"Nope – not even close." Instead of giving him farther directions, he found Emma moving into his lap; staring down at him with a grin on her face. Her hands moved to grasp his shoulders as a playful tongue swept over the corner of his mouth; licking off all trace of what she'd apparently seen.

"Just a bit of jelly."

She didn't move off his lap afterwards but continued to smile down at him. He knew he had to be wearing the 'deer caught in the headlights' look; especially when the vixen experimentally drove her hips down against his – causing him to release a deep moan. And she just laughed! Lips locking onto his as her clever tongue pushed itself into his mouth; moving with the same vigor as her hips.

When the shock wore off, Neal moved his hands to encircle her hips: grasping as he started to thrust against her.

She was competitive; had to one up him yet again. It wasn't long after her moans started filling his mouth that he felt teeth nipping his bottom lip playfully; a hand sliding down from his shoulder to the zipper of his pants. She took her time here; making the process of undoing pants and pushing underwear aside completely agonizing.

Finally, feeling a soft, little hand move along his cock, Neal threw back his head with a sigh. Emma trailed kisses towards his ear, tongue darting out to lick before murmuring into his ear, "Do you like that?"

Neal could only bring himself to nod as the blonde continued to pleasure him; alternating between fast and soft, barely there caresses. She grinned when he wantonly thrust into her fist; desperate for more of the friction she was offering.

"I like it, too," she admitted. To prove her point, Emma's other hand grabbed his, pulling his fingers under her dress; rubbing them against her soaked panties.

"Do you feel how wet I am already?"

Gods she was! Wet and hot against his fingers. He played with her; pressing his long fingers into her through the cloth. She squealed in delight.

Finding both her and himself ready, Neal lifted her onto the closet thing, the steering wheel, moved her panties to the side and entered her in one swift stroke. She was perfect; tight and wetter than his fingers had been led to believe. And she was responsive; moaning hotly in his ear as he pulled out only to surge back into her; all the while she bucked against him in abandon, whispering naughty suggestions into his ear. The only foreseeable issue was Emma's ass hitting repeatedly against the horn; sounding an alarm for miles away that two young people were fucking in the otherwise abandoned park.

Luckily, Emma found the restraint to deal with the issue; Neal lost enough to just keep fucking her against the horn. She pushed him back against the seat, moving herself out of his lap and towards the backseat. Sitting down, she removed her underwear completely; dangling them in front of her new lover's face.

"I think this might be more serviceable," she hinted with a smirk. "Now get back here and ravish me!"

Neal scrambled for the back, finding himself stuck for a moment; pants tangled around the car's stick-shift.

Emma laughed as he attempted to free himself, being quieted only when he was free again; lips locking on her own as he positioned himself between her legs.


End file.
